Thought of the day: Pleasure is an act of resistance. The 21st century, capitalist, and at times nightmarish society in which we live today, is not built to serve its citizens in humanistic, holistic, and sustainable ways. In fact, these are some of the key ingredients for dismantling societal structures and systems in the first place, which is why the few in power seek to avert these forces. Whether it’s being caught in the throes of exploitation in the form of being overworked and underpaid, sexism, racism, or homophobia in the workplace, or working in a toxic environment due to other factors, it is safe to assume that many people on the capitalistic hamster wheel may find it to be a challenge to prioritize pleasure. Understandably so, time is limited, and responsibilities sometimes outweigh possibilities for lengthy erotic scenes, sensual massages with our partners or spouses, or even date nights out to a new restaurant. Or perhaps we’re just too tired or burnt out for sex or intimacy.
Our society thrives on dis-ease, dis-pleasure, and dis-satisfaction. We seek cures and cover-ups for a mess of insecurities, ailments, and self-induced somatic responses because something inside of us wants out, wants to be seen. But it is much easier to acquiesce, to resign, or to simply ignore the aching's of our needs in the midst of our busy lives.
Yet your right to pleasure is not a backburner option. Too much of the time we convince ourselves we need to suffer before feeling good, but somehow, feeling “good” becomes this elusive reward we’re always chasing or carrying over to tomorrow’s “to do list,” as we become more and more disconnected from ourselves, our rawness, our wildness, the untamed, the liberated.
In what ways can you build more time into your life for pleasure? What does that look like for you?
Does it come in the form of play? All too often we find ourselves so serious throughout the day. It is said that children laugh 400 times a day while adults laugh only 15-20 times a day. Where is there room for more play? More laughter? Can you raise a figurative toast to the sexy bitch in the mirror in the morning and slap her ass while you twerk before heading out the door to work, or post a sticky on the fridge to your partner(s) or spouse(s) telling them to meet you in bed at 8 p.m.? Is it putting work aside and going outside and running with a pet, or getting your cat to ignore you in their perfectly peculiar way? Is it taking some time to look at your magnificent vulva in the mirror and smile in joy at its beauty? What does she need, to feel honored, cherished, nourished, and loved?
Does your pleasure or joy come in the form of boundaries with friends, co-workers, partners, or spouses, you taking the time to know and recognize what exactly it is you need to feel good and whole and balanced whether it’s taking a breather, a walk outside, a “no thank you,” a “yes please,” or in giving a no without an excuse or apology?
Does it come in the form of intimacy, sex, relationships, dating, kink, or other erotic fantasies that you’ve been longing to explore? Is it taking the time to self-pleasure, going to buy a new sex toy, lingerie, mutual masturbation, role playing, sex nights, date nights, or simply some one-on-one time with a friend, partner, lover, or spouse, who you’ve been needing to connect with but just haven’t had the time?
A friend of mine told me: we make time for the things we want to do. But it’s easy to forget ourselves in the midst of the daily hustle and grind of a postmodern society. In a heteropatriarchal, capitalistic system of oppression, pleasure is an act of resistance. So don’t forget to make time to fuck yourself, your significant others, and the system.